Just try not functioning without it
That is effectively what you’ll be doing when you quit Adderall: Nobody will approve of your decision but God and maybe a few close friends.
That quote came from the book Thriving Through Crisis, which I found coincidentally at some garage sale I decided to stop at randomly a few weeks before I decided to quit Adderall. The book looked interesting (the only interesting thing at the garage sale), so I bought it (actually the lady gave it to me). Then a month or so later, I decided to quit Adderall, and in the thick of it I picked up that book and it helped me tremendously.
I was diagnosed with ADHD at nineteen although I had never had any problems in school
I have been taking adderall for eleven years. The abuse began in college and continued through to law school until I had a full blown panic attack (I thought I was having a heart attack at the time) and was taken to the emergency room by ambulance. The doctor thought I was a meth-head because my heart rate was through the roof and I tested positive for amphetimines. This experience scared me straight for several years but about six months ago I started abusing it again. I’m not sure how it started but I guess that doesn’t really matter. All I know is that I am high all the time and scared to try functioning without it. I am about to run out of a prescription I received about two and a half weeks ago for 90 ten milligram pills. I have finally decided to commit to ending the race with adderall. If I don’t stop now I am scared that I will eventually die from it. I found this site tonight and the stories in this blog have been my salvation. I knew I wasn’t alone but it is so amazing to read these posts and hear that the rest of you managed to make it through the withdrawal and aftermath and come out alive and stronger on the other end. Thank you SO SO much for sharing your stories. It has given me the hope that I needed to make this decision. I know that if I just picture you guys making it through I will be able to survive these first few weeks of Hell.
Why did you start using it again after so many years off it? It’s important to remember the pressure that led you to that decision so you can watch for it…and face it naturally this time.
You are right that there are plenty of health risks with taking high doses of amphetamines every day. And at the doses you’re taking those health risks go way way up. This fear you have of dieing is a gift. Use it to scare yourself away from the pills that will rot your soul as badly as they rot your body.
Trust me, Charlotte. I can tell you first-hand: There is life after Adderall. Well, let me rephrase that. Because “life” after Adderall not what most Adderall takers are concerned with: There is work after Adderall. Lots of glorious, passionate, willful, high-achieving, value-expressing, creative, brilliant work…all produced by your true Delaware title pawn self in record time without the help of that little orange (or blue) pill.
But it takes time. I know, as you said, that you are scared to try functioning without it: That’s why for the first phase you shouldn’t try functioning without it. Bring back the “functioning” part little by little as you are comfortable. Wean yourself back into working. Then one day you’ll find yourself conquering the world and it will occur to you that you’re doing it all without Adderall…that you are (dare you say it) recovered. But not just recovered. Better. Than ever.